It seems i am one of those people who have to keep screwing up. i understand like attracts like and i try to think good thoughts but bad thoughts must get in the way because life is mixed up. i want it to be good i want to feel good and be happy but what is that really?I miss you all but im lost on here i dont know where to start  I guess with my messages love to all

hey you guys i miss you all!!!! I have had a really hard semester and i havent had a computer and plus i was so mind boggled by school and dotors but guess what? I healed my mom I felt energy leave my body and I used hers she is now cancwer free and in remission!!!! I am getting a laptop wthis month so i will be able to talk to everyione and reply to messages it has been a long rough road but I have all As and Bs!!! I promise i will zmail all of you personally your support was excellent still is but so much negative stuff had to come out of me and manifest itself that i did not want to sound like a complainer or negative so i took time off zaadz but I want back on thingsare really really good right now Im with two of my sisters at library so I gotta go but ill be back and i got some GREAT books for the traveling library i love love love you all kisses and hugs galore !!!!!

When my ego takes over at any time I feel silly like I know better

Leaving the house of horror drugs and abuse to go stay with my dad and really get treated like a kid:)

Yesterday i learned that I need to not resent people that have resentments,I have to teach the other person not to hold anger but more then that I need to not get upset with the person. I learned that if I dont do the meditations I wont connect to Self. I learned to be patient with those that normally cause irritation to me. I have learned to just do what i gotta do and not complain or feel resentment. i bing myself into the pesent.

and Ive known this all along. I felt the vibrations of the Universe and had manifested a whole wonderful almost perfect life. But I needed to learn more before I connected with Self and really got what I was doing and snce joining gaia Ive been able to do that. I dont know how its going to be really taking care of my mom she seems sicker. Of course i am trying herbal remedies I was taught. So I am optimistic,, not worried about the past and thinking of the future only in small stretches for school and work. Once I am out of my apt I will have more energy.

I was told yesterday that my moms liver cancer is incurable and supposedly she has only 1-2 years to live. I feel some type of way and I have to talk to her doctor about herbal remedies I have found. Ive been emotional all day because I cant show it in front of her and Im thinking watching my mom dye would be worse then living in my addiction. I see why I got cleaned up and was available to be here for her. She doesnt know how long she has to live. I have a faith in plants and plant spirits and Im trying to get these ingredients for when shes done chemo. Im kinda in shock but am trying to be here now and think of other healings. Any suggestions?

I have so much hell in my past and I have asked my parents and aunts and people but everyones story s different. I would ask a hynotist because I have some seriously repressed memories andd I eventally have to go to psyccchotherapy, but my doctor doesnt think Im ready yet because I just quit drugs and am stable in school. So hopefully over the summer I can start getting over and forgiving my first 10 years which were all abuse

I blocked out most of my cjhildhood except for the constant abuse but books were my escape from reality and I always read and ate. This was my addictive behavior and even when I found drugs I still read a lot. Thats why i can always reread my books.:) I read  mostly spiritual books right now ones that keep me in this moment

This was written by my friend Cactus its a song off the album BiggerThan it Really is. This band started out in Rainbow Gatherings and are so awesome www.granolafunk.com
"children of The City verse one by agent 23'
Yo we bust this for the kid's stumblin
Through the rumblin grumblin concree jungle gym
I sing hymns that sink deep into the platsic skin
Of the average American mannequin
these are the last days
And if we cant give praise
Then we go up in a blaze
with our minds in a maze
And the only way not to live a life thats worthless
Is to understand your tru purpose
You deserve this
So I serve this
Not on a silver platter
But on wax plates thats made to penetrate your brain matter
Of course
Its easy to get lost
in the chaos
But stay off the wrong path
And wisdom is the payoff
So take the day off
From your 9-5 job
Take a magical sabbatical and go find GOD
And applaud life
As a great adventure
With you at the center
The  one and only inventor
Of the world around you
Now I think you found You
Move the fuckin tangled web that your bound too
Now you take control
cause your the navigator
Listen to your soul
Give up to the Creator
Children of the city open up your eyes wide
speakin woith  a deepness straight to the tribe
Its a power of the fittest and we never gonna survive
Unless we understand the motive behind the drive
i also recommend the CD Self fulfilling Prophecy by Agent 23
www.granolafunk.com
myspace Granola funk music